this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
