Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will pee on everything he values.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
