please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
two words: eviction party
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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