Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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