So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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