they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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