My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
