I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
