Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
