We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
