He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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