Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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