Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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