just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
