So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
