he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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