My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
