I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
