i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Found the puke drawer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
