i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Naked Twister starts at high noon
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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