Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
