so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
