If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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