just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
