and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
