please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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