I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
