Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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