Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
