i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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