You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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