I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
