I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
