after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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