umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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