I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
