Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize