i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
