hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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