Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
