It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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