Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
