You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
