At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
