they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
