Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize