rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
