Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
