I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
