I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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