when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
