I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
