Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
