That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
