Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
