the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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