So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
