just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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