You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
