is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
