Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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