the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
