I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
