you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
