Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
