i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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