I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
