thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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