She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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