She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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