ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
