ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
